I tend to mess around on Bumble when I'm bored or procrastinating. Today was one of those days.
I usually swipe right if a guy has pics of himself sailing. Cause I like sailing too.
Yet, this strategy has backfired every single time. For some weird reason, these sailor types have been very weird, distant, and cold, which has not been my experience on Bumble in general (which as bizarre as online dating is, most guys I've talked with have been as friendly as can be). So I don't know what it is about these sailors. They've been humorless and typically more interested in taking my parents' boat out than having a conversation. I dunno, maybe it's just me, but I think it's pretty bold/rude to ask whether you can take somebody's else's boat out for a sail before you've even met them...
I thought I had learned my lesson, but I guess we never really do. Which is how I wound up messaging another sailor dude this morning and meeting him for coffee. It was a spur of the moment thing. He was passing through my area, so when he asked to meet up I thought, sure, why not.
There aren't many coffee shops or restaurants where I live, so I suggested we meet at a local Starbucks that was on his way. I'd never actually been to this particular Starbucks, so it was a bit of a surprise when I got there and it turned out to be inside a Safeway.
Figuring that was kind of lame, I texted him and suggested we meet at a different coffee place that was in the same shopping center and at least had more seats. But he said the Starbucks would be fine.
Ok, so I go inside the Safeway and wait next to the little Starbucks kiosk, which is so small, they don't even brew the coffee there. It's just comes in those big thermoses that the baristas use to pump out the coffee.
The guy appears, and introduces himself without smiling. and that's pretty much how I'd characterize the whole date - unsmiling. It mostly consisted of me asking him questions about himself, which he'd answer and then go silent again. Whenever I'd pause, to give him a chance to ask me a question or start a different topic of conversation, he just sat there quietly, looking around. He didn't seem to be that interested in asking anything about me. The only time he did get somewhat animated was when he was complaining about his job.
Ok, no big deal, he's just not that into me, I thought. He probably decided the moment he saw me that I wasn't his type for whatever reason, and understandably, he wasn't feeling very excited about the date. So it goes. Doesn't bother me. I started to wrap things up.
Well as we're standing in the parking lot, saying goodbye, he steps in way to close and says he'd love to see me again. Then he leans closer and I realize he's going in for a kiss. I turned my head so he managed to kiss me somewhere between my cheek and ear.
"Yeah, text me!" I told him as we were walking away, because I don't know what else to do or say in that situation. What I wanted to say was how dare you feel entitled to kiss me after putting no effort whatsoever into that conversation. I didn't give him one signal that I was interested in being kissed. Outside of shaking hands, we didn't touch once. Not a bit of flirtation. How does a person think they can go from zero to sixty just like that?
Then I get this text when I get home:
"Was nice meeting you. You're cute and super smart."
The hell? What is with these sailors? Am I supposed to be flattered that he has decided that I'm cute and "super smart?" I know I'm cute and smart, I don't need a guy telling me that. What does he think will happen by kissing me and telling me my character?
Maybe you think I'm overreacting, but I got a very entitled vibe. Like I had passed his test and therefore I would be allowed to get with him. Did it ever cross his mind that I wasn't interested? That he had given me zero reason to be attracted to him?
And before anyone asks, yes, he was very cute and had a good, well-paying job. I thought he had potential, especially when we first started messaging this morning. But as has been the case with almost all my Bumble dates, the reality hasn't lived up to the fantasy for one reason or another.
I wish I could just find a guy who smiles easy and likes to laugh. Is that really asking for so much?
ETA: OMG, I literally hit publish on this post when the guy text me again and asked what I was up to. Because I'm a coward and can't stand the idea of hurting someone's feelings, I said I was probably going to take a nap (true). And this was his response:
"Wish we could nap together."
WTH! Dude, I literally met you two hours ago. We talked for 45 minutes max! And not once did I suggest I'd be into taking a nap with you!
What an entitled perv! The wall of silence begins now.
So I'm in the process of trying to buy a house. I've saved up the money and it's past time I got out of my parents place (which is part of a long story involving my getting unexpectedly divorced and having the kind of pets that makes it difficult to rent). Anyway, I think I found a house in a nice, modest neighborhood. It's small, just one bathroom, which may be the reason why it's been sitting on the market for six months. But for me, one bathroom sounds great. One bathroom means it's about $30,000 less expensive than the other houses in the neighborhood (really, who would have a thought a single bathroom could make such a difference, but I guess it does if you're considering buying a home for a family of four or more).
Anyway, for reasons that are too boring to go into, I only submitted my application to get pre-approved for a home loan on Friday. And on Saturday I went and saw this house again, to make sure it was in good shape and worth putting in an offer.
And there were other people there...other people looking at my house! Or at least, that's how I started thinking about it, even though I've been doing my best not to think that way because I don't want to be disappointed. I know buying a house can be competitive, but seeing other people looking at this place instantly made my anxiety go from a 3 to a 9 on a scale of 10. Which logically, I know is stupid. It's just a house. There will be other houses. And just because other people are looking at it doesn't mean they're going to place an offer. But that's not how the brain works, I guess. Or my brain anyway.
The good news is, once I got out of there, my anxiety levels plummeted again and I was able to go back to thinking of it as just a house. But there really was something about seeing other people looking at this place that made me panic. I can't stand the idea of competing with other people this way. It makes me so nervous.
But that's over now. I've decided to place an offer and we'll see how it goes from there. Hopefully my bank will get back to me on Monday about that so I can get this thing out of the way. It'll be disappointing if someone else gets in a bid first, but not the end of the world. At least, I keep telling myself that.
Send me your real-estate juju. I'm going to need it.
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