I tend to mess around on Bumble when I'm bored or procrastinating. Today was one of those days.
I usually swipe right if a guy has pics of himself sailing. Cause I like sailing too.
Yet, this strategy has backfired every single time. For some weird reason, these sailor types have been very weird, distant, and cold, which has not been my experience on Bumble in general (which as bizarre as online dating is, most guys I've talked with have been as friendly as can be). So I don't know what it is about these sailors. They've been humorless and typically more interested in taking my parents' boat out than having a conversation. I dunno, maybe it's just me, but I think it's pretty bold/rude to ask whether you can take somebody's else's boat out for a sail before you've even met them...
I thought I had learned my lesson, but I guess we never really do. Which is how I wound up messaging another sailor dude this morning and meeting him for coffee. It was a spur of the moment thing. He was passing through my area, so when he asked to meet up I thought, sure, why not.
There aren't many coffee shops or restaurants where I live, so I suggested we meet at a local Starbucks that was on his way. I'd never actually been to this particular Starbucks, so it was a bit of a surprise when I got there and it turned out to be inside a Safeway.
Figuring that was kind of lame, I texted him and suggested we meet at a different coffee place that was in the same shopping center and at least had more seats. But he said the Starbucks would be fine.
Ok, so I go inside the Safeway and wait next to the little Starbucks kiosk, which is so small, they don't even brew the coffee there. It's just comes in those big thermoses that the baristas use to pump out the coffee.
The guy appears, and introduces himself without smiling. and that's pretty much how I'd characterize the whole date - unsmiling. It mostly consisted of me asking him questions about himself, which he'd answer and then go silent again. Whenever I'd pause, to give him a chance to ask me a question or start a different topic of conversation, he just sat there quietly, looking around. He didn't seem to be that interested in asking anything about me. The only time he did get somewhat animated was when he was complaining about his job.
Ok, no big deal, he's just not that into me, I thought. He probably decided the moment he saw me that I wasn't his type for whatever reason, and understandably, he wasn't feeling very excited about the date. So it goes. Doesn't bother me. I started to wrap things up.
Well as we're standing in the parking lot, saying goodbye, he steps in way to close and says he'd love to see me again. Then he leans closer and I realize he's going in for a kiss. I turned my head so he managed to kiss me somewhere between my cheek and ear.
"Yeah, text me!" I told him as we were walking away, because I don't know what else to do or say in that situation. What I wanted to say was how dare you feel entitled to kiss me after putting no effort whatsoever into that conversation. I didn't give him one signal that I was interested in being kissed. Outside of shaking hands, we didn't touch once. Not a bit of flirtation. How does a person think they can go from zero to sixty just like that?
Then I get this text when I get home:
"Was nice meeting you. You're cute and super smart."
The hell? What is with these sailors? Am I supposed to be flattered that he has decided that I'm cute and "super smart?" I know I'm cute and smart, I don't need a guy telling me that. What does he think will happen by kissing me and telling me my character?
Maybe you think I'm overreacting, but I got a very entitled vibe. Like I had passed his test and therefore I would be allowed to get with him. Did it ever cross his mind that I wasn't interested? That he had given me zero reason to be attracted to him?
And before anyone asks, yes, he was very cute and had a good, well-paying job. I thought he had potential, especially when we first started messaging this morning. But as has been the case with almost all my Bumble dates, the reality hasn't lived up to the fantasy for one reason or another.
I wish I could just find a guy who smiles easy and likes to laugh. Is that really asking for so much?
ETA: OMG, I literally hit publish on this post when the guy text me again and asked what I was up to. Because I'm a coward and can't stand the idea of hurting someone's feelings, I said I was probably going to take a nap (true). And this was his response:
"Wish we could nap together."
WTH! Dude, I literally met you two hours ago. We talked for 45 minutes max! And not once did I suggest I'd be into taking a nap with you!
What an entitled perv! The wall of silence begins now.
I wrote my previous post about Bumble on Friday, and then on Saturday morning I started wondering whether I hadn't been a little too dismissive of my date. It takes time to get to know someone, and surely it's better to let feelings develop slowly rather than be controlled by initial gut reactions.
October was a crazy month. Too much work, too little time.
So for a little escape, I started messing around on Bumble (an online dating app). Mostly just to see if I felt ready to meet someone new after splitting up with my husband this past spring. I'm pretty happy being single right now, but there are definitely times when I would love to go out for a drink or a movie. I've started making some new friends in the area to do exactly that, but occasionally hanging out with a guy sounds nice too.
Dating apps (or even apps for that matter) didn't exist when I first started dating my husband back in college. So my experience with Bumble is totally new, and I have to say it's a little horrifying and a little addictive. I really dislike this idea of swiping "left" (rejected) or "right" (interested) based on only a few pictures and maybe a sentence or two of information. And then there's the volume of people on the app. It can make finding someone nice feel like searching for a needle in a haystack. So I've had to come up with some "deal breakers" to make the process of a little easier.
Here's what will cause me to swipe left:
-If you're smoking a cigar
-Wearing boat shoes
-Posing without a shirt.
-Posing for a selfie in front of Machu Pichu.
I think the guys who do this think they're really unique and cool for having visited there, but they have no idea how insanely common it is on the app. Seriously, probably 1 in every 10 profiles I look at has a selfie from the exact same spot at Machu Pichu. No shade to the place, I'm sure it's amazing, but when that many people start doing the same thing - I start getting a douchey vibe.
Also, I don't think traveling inherently makes you an interesting or good person. Sure, I like to travel, but there are other things I like to do too. Yet for some people travel is a really high value for them. So clearly, we wouldn't be very compatible. That's kind of my real reasoning behind rejecting those Machu Pichu-style travel pictures I keep seeing.
I asked a guy friend who's on Bumble what it's like from the male perspective. He said way too many women post images of themselves using snap chat filters. Frankly, that sounds worse than too many Machu Pichu pics. What a strange world we live in.
But you'd be proud. I messaged a few guys and have gone on one date already. He seemed perfectly nice, polite, cute, smart, etc., but I have to say, I didn't "feel" anything. By any measure, the date was a success - we talked non-stop for 2.5 hours. But afterwards, I felt like if I never saw him again, I wouldn't care. I didn't dislike him, I just felt indifferent, even though on paper we had a lot in common.
Maybe that means I'm not quite ready yet.
Do you use Bumble? What are your deal breakers? I mean, it's a superficial app, so you're going to have superficial deal breakers, right?
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